When Your Best Isn’t Good Enough
It’s hard to put yourself out there. Sometimes it’s even hard to get up in the morning and face the day. Some days I succeed and some days I fail. Of course, I know that the painful lessons in life are the most important. However, that doesn’t make overcoming a major failure any easier.
At times, I have concluded that a project wasn’t good enough. That, no matter how hard I worked, it would never succeed. I have tried to get several businesses ventures going, wrote several patents, failed classes in school and had relationships end. In these hopeful endeavors, I did my best to make them successful. I asked for help, invested money, worked late into the night, lowered my morals, made sacrifices, got hurt, and thought outside the box. Some of these failed endeavors went on for years. However, I can trace each failure back to a single day when I admitted defeat. I had tried every option to make the project succeed, and I forced myself to move on.
Did I learn anything? Of course. Would I have done anything differently? Of course, but the result probably would have been the same. Sometimes, an endeavor isn’t meant to succeed and sometimes others are destined to achieve the glory of its success. For me, the worst part is when I had to admit that I didn’t possess the means to achieve success. That’s life.
My first big business venture was to make a digital audio mixing board. I put in a crazy amount of effort into making it happen. The problem was that the early 90s were an awful time to start a business; I lacked connections, and I obviously didn’t have major financial backing. To compound matters, I must now admit that I didn’t have the technical, business, organizing, marketing or personal skills to achieve success. In retrospect, success was never possible. I distinctly remember the day when I admitted defeat. I went to the beach and walked around for hours. It was a crushing blow, and it took a long time to attempt to get another business venture off the ground. Side note, that new venture rapidly failed.
Now, I am trying to be an author. This is a daunting task. I went into it knowing I would never be a great success like Tom Clancy. I can live with that. However, I hoped to at least break even. At the very least to have the opportunity for success. I’m now two years into this adventure and I have faced the harsh reality that my idea of becoming author overnight was wishful thinking. It’s now clear that the real effort behind every great author is marketing. My past business ventures have revealed my lack of marketing skills.
Does this mean defeat? Should I give up writing? That decision would certainly free up some time. I have concluded that this potentially profitable venture is now a costly hobby. Well, there is a bright side. It’s less expensive than golf. It would be nice if, I was discovered. However, I can live without fame. My new goal is for a few people to read my works and say, “That was a good book” or at least, “That was not a bad book.”
What I cannot live with is a wave of criticism. Just like being discovered for being a good author, I could be discovered as a bad author. A YouTube personality could make my work the subject of a negative video or a popular blog could launch an awful rant. This would be a huge blow to me and wave of negative comments would probably push me out of the game.
Does this mean that I’m a quitter? I like to think not, but I’m an easygoing person. I avoid the negatives and focus on the positives. With that in mind, I will keep writing until it’s no longer rewarding.

You’re the best -Bill
January 30, 2019

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