First To Final
I thought comparing my first book’s first draft to the second edition’s final version would be interesting. However, I did not want to make this a long blog, so there are only two paragraphs.
Perhaps this will provide some insight into my writing process or expose me as a hack. Let’s find out. I created the following first draft in 2016 and did not make any edits to this blog.
My life was working out well or at least I thought so. My divorce was finalized (for the third time), my third major book of the Grime series had just been published and was selling well, I just got a 50 cent per hour pay raise, I paid my last check to my divorce attorney and with some luck I would meet a cute fan of my book at the book signing. I was thinking about all of this on that fateful evening as I drove my broken down Toyota Carola on that chilly Saturday morning. I had no idea what was in store for me. I had no idea that people like her were even possible. I had no idea how much my life could possibly change.
Second edition:
Looking back on my life objectively, it was working out beyond my expectations. My divorce was finalized (again), and the third book of my popular Grime series had just been published. Best Buy gave me a fifty-cent-per-hour pay raise, my divorce attorney had gotten his last payment, and with luck, I would meet a seductive fan at my book signing.
Those were my upbeat thoughts as I steered my barely running, beat-up blue Toyota Corolla toward my future on that chilly Saturday morning. I had no idea what was about to happen or how a person like her could exist.
Wow, that first paragraph was rough. The Microsoft Word grammar checker, Gramarly and Prowriting aid all flagged issues. Yet, I conclude that “with some editing, this text is salvageable.”
The concepts were there, which is the goal of a first draft. Many talented writers have never created a first draft. Good for me!
The second draft had approximately 30 editing passes, with clear improvements. It had better descriptions and tighter sentences, but the flow is the most significant readability update. The second version reads a lot smoother and is easier to comprehend.
Here is the first draft of a later paragraph:
I was taking in everything in that was ‘her’ when I realized that it had been some time and I should say something. Her arms tightly held my latest book “Grime: At the End” and for some reason even that the book had only been on sale for a month, her copy looked 30 years old up. I stammered like a frightened pupil in front the teacher to say: “I see you have a copy of my latest book. Would you like me to sign it?” Her eyelids squinted a bit and she stared deep into me. Really deep, deeper then I knew a person could possible stare. The affect made me feel naked and alone. I did not know what to do but I could not move my fingers finger blink my eyes. I became aware of an encroaching chill that was going up my spine and I that I could take a no longer breathe. I have never been so terrified in my short 28 year life. While continuing to stare, she imperceptibly raised her head and said: “You will do.”
Second edition:
I was trying to take in everything that was “her” when I realized some time had passed and I should say something. Her arms clasped tightly around my latest book, Grime: At the End. Even though my book had only been on sale for a month, her copy looked to be thirty years old. I stammered like a frightened pupil in front of the teacher. “I see you have a copy of my latest book. Would you like me to . . . ?”
The woman squinted and stared deeply into me. Really deep! The effect made me feel naked, afraid, and alone. I did not know what to do and could not move my fingers, cough, or even blink. A chill shot up my spine, my lungs struggled, and my muscles refused to move.
I have never been so terrified in my thirty-one years. The woman continued to stare while I could do nothing. Then she flashed an evil smile, and said in a wicked voice, “You will do.”
The dialog integration improved the most. I struggled to develop a solid method for years, and I still have room for improvement.
and said: “You will do.”
and said in a wicked voice, “You will do.”
Like the above example, I streamlined the flow. This included breaking up the mega paragraph into three smaller sections which cleanly separated the concepts. Plus, I eliminated unnecessary words and added words to make the concepts leap into the reader’s mind.
I hope my four regular blog readers get some insight into my writing process. I found the experience of exploring my past to be rewarding, but it is not the first time. Occasionally, I look over my past school projects to see how I used to be. Perhaps this will inspire my four regular blog readers to do the same.
You’re the best -Bill
February 08, 2023
Perhaps this will provide some insight into my writing process or expose me as a hack. Let’s find out. I created the following first draft in 2016 and did not make any edits to this blog.
My life was working out well or at least I thought so. My divorce was finalized (for the third time), my third major book of the Grime series had just been published and was selling well, I just got a 50 cent per hour pay raise, I paid my last check to my divorce attorney and with some luck I would meet a cute fan of my book at the book signing. I was thinking about all of this on that fateful evening as I drove my broken down Toyota Carola on that chilly Saturday morning. I had no idea what was in store for me. I had no idea that people like her were even possible. I had no idea how much my life could possibly change.
Second edition:
Looking back on my life objectively, it was working out beyond my expectations. My divorce was finalized (again), and the third book of my popular Grime series had just been published. Best Buy gave me a fifty-cent-per-hour pay raise, my divorce attorney had gotten his last payment, and with luck, I would meet a seductive fan at my book signing.
Those were my upbeat thoughts as I steered my barely running, beat-up blue Toyota Corolla toward my future on that chilly Saturday morning. I had no idea what was about to happen or how a person like her could exist.
Wow, that first paragraph was rough. The Microsoft Word grammar checker, Gramarly and Prowriting aid all flagged issues. Yet, I conclude that “with some editing, this text is salvageable.”
The concepts were there, which is the goal of a first draft. Many talented writers have never created a first draft. Good for me!
The second draft had approximately 30 editing passes, with clear improvements. It had better descriptions and tighter sentences, but the flow is the most significant readability update. The second version reads a lot smoother and is easier to comprehend.
Here is the first draft of a later paragraph:
I was taking in everything in that was ‘her’ when I realized that it had been some time and I should say something. Her arms tightly held my latest book “Grime: At the End” and for some reason even that the book had only been on sale for a month, her copy looked 30 years old up. I stammered like a frightened pupil in front the teacher to say: “I see you have a copy of my latest book. Would you like me to sign it?” Her eyelids squinted a bit and she stared deep into me. Really deep, deeper then I knew a person could possible stare. The affect made me feel naked and alone. I did not know what to do but I could not move my fingers finger blink my eyes. I became aware of an encroaching chill that was going up my spine and I that I could take a no longer breathe. I have never been so terrified in my short 28 year life. While continuing to stare, she imperceptibly raised her head and said: “You will do.”
Second edition:
I was trying to take in everything that was “her” when I realized some time had passed and I should say something. Her arms clasped tightly around my latest book, Grime: At the End. Even though my book had only been on sale for a month, her copy looked to be thirty years old. I stammered like a frightened pupil in front of the teacher. “I see you have a copy of my latest book. Would you like me to . . . ?”
The woman squinted and stared deeply into me. Really deep! The effect made me feel naked, afraid, and alone. I did not know what to do and could not move my fingers, cough, or even blink. A chill shot up my spine, my lungs struggled, and my muscles refused to move.
I have never been so terrified in my thirty-one years. The woman continued to stare while I could do nothing. Then she flashed an evil smile, and said in a wicked voice, “You will do.”
The dialog integration improved the most. I struggled to develop a solid method for years, and I still have room for improvement.
and said: “You will do.”
and said in a wicked voice, “You will do.”
Like the above example, I streamlined the flow. This included breaking up the mega paragraph into three smaller sections which cleanly separated the concepts. Plus, I eliminated unnecessary words and added words to make the concepts leap into the reader’s mind.
I hope my four regular blog readers get some insight into my writing process. I found the experience of exploring my past to be rewarding, but it is not the first time. Occasionally, I look over my past school projects to see how I used to be. Perhaps this will inspire my four regular blog readers to do the same.
You’re the best -Bill
February 08, 2023
