Spotting Bad Grammar
From an early age, writing proper English was a huge obstacle. Spelling, sentence structure, and crazy rules all messed with my young mind. Why did they make English so complex? Why don’t we write the way we speak? I had no idea.
The bad news was that English never got more straightforward, and even after college, I struggled. What did I do? I decided to become an author even though I knew my English foundation was made from dryer lint and bubble gum. Words now dominate my thoughts, and I endlessly toil over choosing the best ones. Side note: My readers would likely point out the vast need for improvement.
Since I began this unexpected journey, I have experienced a significant upside. My English improved. Really, it did. My spelling, speech, and grammar have all improved. I even think better. However, there was an unexpected downside. I now notice awful sentences everywhere. For example, the book Reamde by Neal Stephenson was loaded with glaring flaws. What the heck? He is one of my favorite authors and uses a top-notch editor. Apparently not.
This reminds me of a class of people I dislike. The grammar mongers. They endlessly complain about lousy grammar in advertisements, books, and movies. Why just this morning, I noticed the advertising slogan on a medical diagnostic company van, “Because doctor’s care.” While this sentence is mostly correct, it made me want to yell, “Who the heck asked this question? Doctors are supposed to care. It’s their job. You guys are not even doctors!” I would not have given that van a second glance two years ago.
In the afternoon, I read this sentence in a newspaper article, “Cost-conscious farmers are looking for bargains, and tractors from that era are well-built and totally functional, and aren’t as complicated or expensive to repair as more recent models that run on sophisticated software.” Do their tractors fuel up with run-on sentences? Are the editors for the Minnesota Star Tribune on strike? Is there a place to complain? Or boycott future articles?
The bad news was that English never got more straightforward, and even after college, I struggled. What did I do? I decided to become an author even though I knew my English foundation was made from dryer lint and bubble gum. Words now dominate my thoughts, and I endlessly toil over choosing the best ones. Side note: My readers would likely point out the vast need for improvement.
Since I began this unexpected journey, I have experienced a significant upside. My English improved. Really, it did. My spelling, speech, and grammar have all improved. I even think better. However, there was an unexpected downside. I now notice awful sentences everywhere. For example, the book Reamde by Neal Stephenson was loaded with glaring flaws. What the heck? He is one of my favorite authors and uses a top-notch editor. Apparently not.
This reminds me of a class of people I dislike. The grammar mongers. They endlessly complain about lousy grammar in advertisements, books, and movies. Why just this morning, I noticed the advertising slogan on a medical diagnostic company van, “Because doctor’s care.” While this sentence is mostly correct, it made me want to yell, “Who the heck asked this question? Doctors are supposed to care. It’s their job. You guys are not even doctors!” I would not have given that van a second glance two years ago.
In the afternoon, I read this sentence in a newspaper article, “Cost-conscious farmers are looking for bargains, and tractors from that era are well-built and totally functional, and aren’t as complicated or expensive to repair as more recent models that run on sophisticated software.” Do their tractors fuel up with run-on sentences? Are the editors for the Minnesota Star Tribune on strike? Is there a place to complain? Or boycott future articles?
Wait a minute. Who wrote that? This is Bill here. I am the undisputed king of run-on sentences. Did I somehow become that grammar hater? Have I switched sides? Is this going to be my new thing? “Stay tuned for epic bad grammar rants.”
Yeah, no. I have learned the hard way that long-winded rants into esoteric topics do not lead to “buy it now” clicks. Will I suffer in silence? Perhaps a future article will have my top ten lousy grammar finds. Will any of my sentences make the cut? I think we can count on that.
PS, March 04 is National Grammar Day.
You’re the best -Bill
March 11, 2020 Updated December 14, 2024
Yeah, no. I have learned the hard way that long-winded rants into esoteric topics do not lead to “buy it now” clicks. Will I suffer in silence? Perhaps a future article will have my top ten lousy grammar finds. Will any of my sentences make the cut? I think we can count on that.
PS, March 04 is National Grammar Day.
You’re the best -Bill
March 11, 2020 Updated December 14, 2024
